Women then and now: Between "strong woman" and "feminine"

Ivy (a psychological coach currently living in Germany) shared: "In the past, in feudal society, women were often constrained by strict rules and customs. They were taught to adhere to 'three obediences and four virtues,' 'domestic skills,' were dependent on men, and had no voice in society. However, there were still strong women who dared to overcome these barriers, assert themselves, and become shining examples for future generations."

When the words "strong woman" and "femininity" are mentioned, three portraits of three generations of women in Ivy's family immediately come to mind.

The image of my grandmother and mother, toiling tirelessly.

Life Coach Ivy's grandmother and mother represent a previous generation of women, embodying the quintessential image of a traditional Vietnamese woman: hardworking, gentle, and always silently sacrificing for her family.

"My grandmother was the one who took care of everything, from cooking and laundry to cleaning the house and looking after the children. She dedicated her entire youth to nurturing the family. However, whenever there was anything, big or small, the role of the man – my grandfather – was always remembered and prioritized more," Ivy said.

He had opportunities to travel extensively with his children and grandchildren, and he went on many business trips, visiting places both in the West and in the East. As for my grandmother, the longest trip of her life was probably the one she took with my grandfather back to their hometown. Recalling that, Ivy couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness.

Like her grandmother, her mother was always a strong support for Ivy's father, a wonderful woman whom Ivy always respected. Her mother dreamed of becoming a doctor, but couldn't fulfill that dream because, in those days, women were rarely given the opportunity to go to school.

The lives of women in my grandmother's and mother's generation were centered around housework and the worries of providing for the family. They didn't have as many opportunities for education and self-development as modern women. Their joy was simply seeing their family happy, their children healthy, and their husbands successful.

Having witnessed and gone through all those great sacrifices, Ivy is filled with gratitude and admiration. She confided: "For me, the image of my grandmother and mother, or of millions of women of that era, is a beautiful aspect of Vietnamese traditional culture. They are the women who 'keep the flame' burning in the home, the spiritual support for their husbands and children. Thanks to their silent sacrifices, the family enjoys warmth and happiness, and the children are nurtured in loving arms."

Feminism and the desire for freedom of women born in the 70s and 80s.

By Ivy's aunt's generation, the perception of women had changed significantly. They were seen as dynamic, strong, proactive women who were aware of their own worth.

"My aunts always believed that 'money equals power.' They worked harder to assert their capabilities and position within the family," Ivy shared. "They also wanted to prove that women are just as strong and capable of doing everything men can do."

Unlike their grandmothers' and mothers' generations, women of their aunts' generation are not afraid to venture into fields traditionally considered "monopolies" of men. They participate in economic and social activities, expressing their voices and roles in the community. It can be said that women of their aunts' generation are pioneers in the struggle for women's rights. They desire equality with men in all aspects of social life.

Modern women: Femininity and strength go hand in hand.

As millennials, Ivy and her peers have a more open-minded and modern mindset. They don't place too much emphasis on "feminism" but rather aim for a balance between femininity and assertiveness.

"I'm not someone who wants to take away other people's roles. Everyone has their own place and job. What's important is that we appreciate our own value, the value of those we work with, and confidently pursue our dreams. My luck is probably being free. Thanks to that freedom, I'm independent in my thinking and in life, a little bold, but always know how to take responsibility for my own life," Ivy expressed.

Talking to Ivy, you'll surely sense her fresh, vibrant energy. She's independent, yet very feminine and refined. For Ivy, femininity doesn't mean weakness. It's a gentle, skillful energy that helps women shine in their own way. Perhaps that's why she doesn't hesitate to be herself in front of anyone.

"Sometimes I feel like water. Water is amazing; it can take on any form. If you put it in a flower, it becomes a flower; if you put it in a mold like a sword, it becomes a sword. Water is very flexible. And for me, femininity is the same—flexible and transformative like water. It can be gentle, calm, and serene, allowing us to reflect on ourselves, but it can also be fierce and powerful. The important thing is knowing how to use this energy to create value for ourselves and for life," she said, using a metaphor.

There's a saying she cherishes and considers a guiding principle in her relationships: "Gentle persuasion works best." She says, "Whenever something is too difficult, I always think of this saying. Relax, be gentle, and everything will be alright." Besides femininity, Ivy believes that modern women also need to equip themselves with the strength of character to confidently assert themselves in society.

She said: "Working with many young women, I've realized that women today are very different from those of the past. They are more confident, independent, and daring. There are also groups of women who can't fully express themselves, can't make their own decisions, or are easily influenced by those around them; or there are women who excessively emphasize 'feminism,' as if they've put themselves in a box and are crying out to break free. Society is more open and modern now, so women should just express their true roles, being feminine but not weak, strong but not domineering, and most importantly, understanding themselves. Shine in your own way and bring positive values ​​to life."

Ha Mai Trinh - Photo: Provided by the subject